SINGLE PARENT FAMILIES

...Three Things That You Should Do

If you think that Cupid has given up on you just because you have a kid that you have to take care of, think again. Dating when you are a single parent is possible. In fact, there are a lot of single parents out there who have managed to find second chances with great guys and gals. Besides, single parenting now is accepted by society and it is no longer an issue if you already have a kid. If it becomes a problem, then the person doesn’t really deserve your attention, much more your devotion.

Don’t get me wrong. It will have its tough moments. You will probably have problems with your schedules and yes, you will probably need to learn how to juggle your time and keep your priorities straight but you can make it work. All it takes is a clear mind and a ready heart. Here are some tips on how to make dating a success.

1. Make sure that you are ready

You have gotten burned and the person who you thought loved you before have turned their back on their responsibility and left you to deal with it. Single parents can have scars too and that means a lot of baggage to deal with. Remember that you already have one baggage—your child—that a potential partner has to deal with. Don’t add another one by springing in some commitment and love issues. If you are not yet ready, do not force it. Love will come naturally when the world feels that you are ready to be in a relationship again.

2. Be serious

When you are a single parent, you just do not have the time to play games anymore. So when you go out on a date, it should be the real thing or don’t do it at all. Take the dating scene very seriously in the sense that you will only go out with people that you feel you can have lasting relationships with. In short, you are dating for keeps and not just coasting along. Most single parents who date actively seek out for potential mates and it is there that they get into trouble. Although it is good to find someone who you can depend on, going out on dates with random people that you’ve met in bars are just not going to cut it. If you just want to have a great time and are just using the excuse of “finding a mother or father figure” for your kid, give yourself the reality check. Your kid needs you more than they need a mother or a father figure.

3. Be honest

One of the mistakes that some single parents do when they date is they don’t tell right off that they have a child to take care of. They wait until the dating has become serious before revealing that little tidbit. Remember that not everybody will be open to the idea and  you will save yourself a lot of heartache if you reveal it at the start.

Just because you are a single parent and your first priority is your child does not mean that you should forget about your needs too. We all need to feel that we are loved and that we have someone we can depend on. This is especially true for single parents who are singlehandedly raising their children with minimal or no support. Single parents can definitely date but they must know their priorities and have firm rein on their self-control. They must also know when something is appropriate and when something is not. They need to get ready though because the scheduling can be hard and there is also the added stress of juggling both the problems of being in a relationship (and there will be problems, I tell you! Every relationship has them.) and raising your child alone.  Here are some ways to make dating easier for you.

Be honest

Right at the get go, be honest with your date and tell them that you are a single mother or a single dad. Trust me, you will be saving yourself a lot of time and heartache if you say this at the start. Some people are just not ready for a commitment with people who already have responsibilities. Remember that they will need to not only relate to you should the relationship continue, they will also need to relate to the kid. It’s going to be a package deal and for some this can be pretty scary. So save yourself the waste and tell them right off.

Set the ground rules

You need to be clear about what your priorities are and it should be on your child and on no one else’s. That way, you will be in control of the situation and you know when you should rein in your actions. When the situation progresses from dating to a relationship, it is also good to be clear with the ground rules with your partner. This will minimize any discord and misunderstandings between you two. With him or her knowing where their place is, things will be a lot easier to deal with.

Involve the child later

Although it is not good to involve the child at the early stages of the dating because he or she might be exposed to potential father or mother figures that will quickly disappear as they have appeared; when things become serious, it is good to involve the kid. This way you will be able to test if you all can be a family together and if your child is okay with the idea. For those who have raised their kids singlehandedly from the time of their baby’s birth, this should not be a problem but for those whose children experienced the attention of a father or a mother, wooing them to the idea of having another one can be a challenge.
Dating when you already have responsibilities is tough but if you play your cards right, you might end up juggling the two together well.

When you think about it, single parents have so much on their plates that they should not even be allowed to have a relationship. After all, between work and taking care of their children, their 24 hours is not even enough to complete both jobs. But humans have a need for affiliation and romantic relationships are great ways to de-stress and renew your spirit. If you have found a great guy by chance and you feel that they will be a great partner for you, why not give it a shot?

Remember though that you are not dating around here and that you have just met someone you feel you can be serious with. That is what puts some single parents out there in the dating scene in trouble. They date around and actively seek for partners. You just do not have the time for this “single” stuff. It will not only eat your time with your kid, you will also be subjecting the kid to different men or women and that is not a good example to show them. In the situation that you are in, your priority should always be your child and no one else.

If you find love along the way, good for you but you do not actively seek for it. You do not go out every night and flirt with guys. You do not spend nights with random men in search of men who can become your partner. You do not spend the nights with your girlfriends partying when you should be at home with your child. As painful as this sounds, you lost the right to act single when you got pregnant and bore a child.

Single parents should only date when they met somebody by chance and felt in their gut that they can be serious with that person or when the person is recommended by a friend and therefore, a date that is already filtered. If it is some random guy or gal that you do not really know and have no initial feelings for, better save your effort for another one. Single parents can date but only when it is already serious and if the potential partner is also looking for something serious. If not, don’t.

You should also watch out for your schedule. It is not good to do it constantly because remember that your child needs you too.  A once-a-week date is good but more than that can be a problem except of course when you can bring the date over to the house but that of course can happen only when you have already dated the guy or the gal for a long while now.

Dating while you are a single parent is okay but only if you know your priorities and you have the control to stick by it. Otherwise, just focus on your child and wait until you are mature enough to handle both a relationship and your child at the same time.